HOW TO BE A GOOD PUBLIC SERVANT

Similar to the previous post on HOW TO BE A LAW-ABIDING CITIZEN, the following are some tips I would like to suggest to all public officials who aspire to be model public servants: 

1. Never make the mistake of going public to expose whatever you may have received in confidence. Always impute good faith to the motives of the giver. The source of the funds and the legal purpose for which they were given do not matter so long as you know they were given out of the generosity of you-know-who.

2. If the spouse of your political boss happens to be involved in a major corruption scandal, insulate your boss from the controversy. Make it appear that your boss had no personal knowledge or had nothing to do with it.

3. Always follow and say “yes” to the whims and caprices of the powers that be. It’s the surest and safest way to solidify your own hold to power. Don’t worry. The rule that you can only obey lawful orders has been relaxed to include unlawful orders as well.

4. Follow the instincts of your political boss. Deal with every problem as if it can be remedied through bargaining and negotiation. This is known as transactional politics. Don’t mind what the law says. It is only as good as the people who implement its provisions.

5. Learn to survive through the political turmoil. Swim with the current. If bribery is the “in” thing, do it. It is being practiced by no less than the highest officials of the land so there’s no rhyme or reason why you shouldn’t imitate their tried and tested ways.

6. Use taxpayers’ money wisely. Circumvent the bidding process. If you’re a Congressman, build bridges, skywalks, waiting sheds, basketball courts, etc. and publicize them as if they were realized through your honest-to-goodness efforts.

7. Don’t antagonize the drug lords and gambling lords in your area of jurisdiction. Befriend them if possible. They can be your source of funds. From time to time however, conduct fake police raids for show and share your “blessings” to ACDC radio commentators and journalists so as not to earn their scourge and condemnation.

8. See to it that you donate a chunk of the money you received as payola to religious cults operating in your locality. Be sure to attend some of their religious services and let them feel that you believe in the sanctity of their beloved Pastor.

9. Join elitist clubs to maintain your linkage with socialites and hypocrites who think they’re a cut above the rest. Satisfy their egos by luring them into thinking that you value their insights on politics and governance.

10. Trust no one, not even your most loyal ally. Don’t leave a trail of evidence of wrongdoing that may haunt you one day. In this country, it’s perfectly okay to lie, cheat and steal as long as no one knows about it, right?

(photo courtesy of demutualization.org) 

NOTE:  This is a previous entry originally posted on November 1, 2007.  You can read the comments here.